Dancing to Your Own Beat

There are a lot of beats going on, all around us, all the time. Whether or not you acknowledge them is up to you, but in the eyes of the energetic children that we are, the more things we can experience at once, the better. I always considered perception to be the most important things that I should focus on in every moment, because of how guiding the concept of insight can be, but I often fall into the universe around me and lose sight of the most important thing: myself. An old Buddhist principle of changing the world involves regarding 'your body as a temple', but it calls upon the reflective nature of life, and how our feelings are really just reflections of the current state of affairs in the universe and reflection is how we learn to anticipate the unknown since it is truly just a response to our own internal condition. I haven't done a very good job of regarding my body as a temple lately. Falling to addictions, even non-physical ones, sets a predictability to your lifestyle that prevents true development, and honestly just eats away time in your information-gathering rampage through this physical dimension. Conscious action and thought are probably the most important style of meditation, where you integrate your peace of mind into your active lifestyle, and the universe responds to your internal condition(calm, peaceful, positive) and responds accordingly. I have to admit, I have been in a bit of a paranoid and spiteful spiral lately, and it has put me in a bit of a close-minded place. My bad. Honestly, this is really just me assuring myself that I am actually aware of this habit and intend to break it as soon as I can, starting off with a trip to the gym(a good way to start a positive change, in my experience). There are other parts of my life that I have been ignoring, despite my positive outlook on them, and I think they might get out of perspective soon. I'm afraid of hurting people again, but a quote by Alexis Carrel made me think slightly otherwise on the topic. "Man cannot remake himself  without suffering for he is both The marble And the sculptor." In my mind, I know that the only way I can help  some people is to expose them to the suffering they have set themselves up for due to some unhealthy thought patterns and self-doubt, but I hate to think of myself as a part of that process at all, since suffering is so often taken as pain, and I hate to think I would intentionally hurt anyone around me. I thought it was necessary in a time before, with a girl, and I feel bad about it ever since then, but it just doesn't seem like words would be adequate to circumvent a conversation involving the heart. I really need to stop getting so intricately involved with people... It isn't fair, with how dynamically I try to live my life. I feel like I can only help those who are close to me, so I try to pull someone in close, but when it comes to helping them, I only know how to autopilot a feeling of love. With no conscious action in my relationships, they have been taken over by neglect, and developed abnormally. I hate the idea of having to break down the illusions of a relationship to let the real feelings blossom, but I haven't enough experience on the subject to know. I need to dance to my own beat for a while, so I can figure out where I want to move with my life. I hate to think of it as pushing anyone away, but maybe that is the best way. I'll be more careful this time, though. Regardless of what I decide or what happens, I will be more careful. If only there was some wording of honesty that pleases the heart and the mind. This, by no means, means I am ready to move on just yet. The thought is present though, which means it is almost an inevitable event, meaning some part of my life is in unrest and has fallen static in that state. I hate getting myself in these situations. They say "that's just life", but does it always have to be??