Finally, after 18 years of confusion and anger, distrust and denial, I have learned how to live. This is something I could never have asked for, because it is something I have never known before. Something that was just outside my scope of understanding, and yet has been there all along: happiness. The simplest and purest of all energies, happiness is innate to all things living and dying, and yet somehow I never realized where it was, or how to find it, until I finally looked within, to who I really was, and there it was. But this wasn't an easy reflection. This wasn't something I found on my own, although it really should have been. I was so close so many times before, but doubt always drew me away from that fountain within all of us that is intrinsic value, and it wasn't until I lost my pull that I was able to push myself over the edge. One of my brothers had to die for me to learn to live, and in that fact, I owe him everything. I owe Matthew Colby a eulogy for everything, and this is my best attempt at that.
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